Gobble, gobble, gobble. Ho, ho, ho.

Sorry it's been so quiet lately, but work, blah-blah, you know the drill.

We had a great Thanksgiving, and I hope all of you did, too. Christmas is up next. When you get as old as I am, the best thing about Christmas isn't any of the gifts you get (we have everything we need, thanks) or the gifts you give (everyone we know has everything they need, thanks) it's just the general downtime and time spent with friends and family. Corny? Yes, but it's true, as you whippersnappers will find out one day.

On Friday, the cooling fan in my home PC burned out and I had to go into that "Black Friday" morass of insanity to hit CompUSA for a new fan. (The things I do for this strip, let me tell you.) What is up with the crass commercialization of this holiday? Stores and television do their damnedest to make you feel like an emotional cripple if you don't go and max out every credit card in your wallet buying Great Aunt Bertha a USB glitter/lava lamp for her original iMac that she got 8 years ago so she could email her daughter who lives in Canada but she never could figure out how to turn the damn thing on.

Yes, I know that I'm a cynical, caustic jerk who complains a lot, but in all sincerity... it really is kind of stomach-turning.

The corporations want you to stay in debt so bad, they put out ads telling you that you deserve chrome Kitchen Aid mixers, Lexus SUVs and 78" Plasma HDTVs. The truth is, you need a wooden spoon, a four-door Chevy sedan and a 19-inch Sanyo CRT. What you deserve is more time off from your job that you can spend on your relationships, civic responsibilities and some self-improvement.

If there's someone in your life whom you really feel should get a Christmas gift from you, but you just don't know what the hell they want or need... Send them some homemade chocolate-chip cookies and give them a 10-minute phone call. I am dead serious. They'll love it, you'll feel great and Citibank can choke on their dwindling returns as they get penalized in 2006 when Ken Lay finally drags them into his Enron trial.

Merry Christmas.