Where Have You Gone Joe DiMaggio

It's definitely summer. Well, summer starts later this month, but sitting in front of the television last night really indicated that summer has already begun. While flipping between watching Evander Holyfield ballroom dance and Bill Goldberg talk shop I was saddened to find that the most appealing thing on television was The Inferno II (apparently, there was a previous version of this) on MTV. Watching roommates from Real World and contestants from Road Rules of yore continue to whore themselves out to MTV rather than enter into the workforce got me thinking: Just how the hell old have I gotten? What is wrong with today's youth? Why in the hell is it so hot in this house?

I remember when the Real World dealt with people trying to make it in life. Sure, all the kids were trying to make it in the entertainment industry, but it dealt with them cutting albums, building a portfolio for modeling, etc. MTV has turned the concept into a show full of narcissitic famewhores taking a semester off college ever since The Puck was dropped. I'm glad that my hero in high school, Dominic, hasn't had anything to do with MTV since his being on Real World 2.

I remember when rap music had a message from the street not involving keeping all your ho's in diferent area codes (thank Chris Rock).

Thanks, Britney, for "Honestly, I think we should just trust our president in every decision that he makes and we should just support that." High school students are supposed to question authority. Now, they think that the governemnt should aprove newspaper stories before they can be published. Of course, I'm not giving Britney credit for that. I'm just going to pin that on the decline of civilization as we know it.

You know, I Loved the 80s, VH1. And, surprise surprise, I Loved the 70s as well. But, you can't make me Love the 90s. How do you expect me to get that warm and cozy feeling in the cockles of my heart from the nostalgia of five years ago?

I remember when teen sex comedies were exactly that. Teen sex comedies full of nudity with hilarity ensuing shortly there after. One naked set of Shannon Elizabeth breasts, does not a teen sex flick make, American Pie. The whole genre has been tainted with the inclusion of you.

I remember liking The Doors as a high school kid just because everyone went through their Doors phase. Unfortunately, Jim Morrison is just an ego driven ass rather than the god that I was once brainwashed to believe. Now, I get them though.

I really need to turn on the A/C.

P.S. The moon landing did happen. 9/11 was not a US government plot. Elvis is dead. There aren't any aliens. Darwin was not wrong. The Raelians did not clone a baby. L. Ron is not on the mother ship, Tom. Dinosaurs are not scientific fabrication.